Lord, Do I Really Know You?

A question has been sitting quietly with me: Do I really know God? I almost hesitate to write it because I have been walking with God for many years. I attend church. I serve in ministry. I read Scripture, pray, and write about grace. Still, the question came, and I could not brush it aside.

It became stronger during a Sabbath School session, as I listened to a conversation about the Holy Spirit living within us. Someone spoke about how His presence can be seen in the way we talk, behave, and treat others.

As I listened, I began looking inward. Do I carry those characteristics? Can others see the presence of the Holy Spirit in me? Do I really know God, or have I simply learned many things about Him? Maybe I was expecting the evidence to look a certain way. I wondered whether knowing God deeply should make me sound different, more confident, more knowledgeable, or more spiritual. Then I thought about Paul.

Paul had studied Scripture. He had preached, taught, traveled, and experienced God in ways I can hardly imagine. Yet Paul still wrote, “That I may know Him.” Those words comforted me. After everything Paul had experienced, there was still a longing within him to know Christ more deeply. Perhaps knowing God is not a place where we finally arrive and announce, Now I understand everything. Perhaps it is a relationship that keeps drawing us closer.

Jesus said, “Abide in me, and I in you” (John 15:4). I have read that verse many times, but now the word abide feels different. It sounds less like striving and more like staying. Remaining close. Returning when I wander. Sitting with God even when I do not have the right words. A branch does not strain to prove that it belongs to the vine. It simply remains connected, and over time, fruit begins to appear.

Maybe the Holy Spirit’s presence in my life is sometimes quieter than I expected. Perhaps He is there when I feel convicted and make something right. Perhaps He is present when I choose not to answer harshly, when I feel compassion for someone, or when I sense a gentle prompting to pray.

I do not always get it right. There are still attitudes, reactions, and areas of my heart that God is working on. But fruit does not become mature overnight. It grows gradually, often so quietly that we do not notice it ourselves.

I am beginning to understand that knowing God is not measured by how spiritual one sounds. It may be revealed in how willing one is willing to let Him search their heart, be corrected, comforted, and changed.

Maybe my question, Do I really know God?, is not evidence that He is far away. Maybe it is evidence that my heart is longing to come closer. My Pearls Grace reminder speaks to me here: I am the vessel. God is the Grace. A vessel does not create what fills it. It simply remains open.

Yes, I know God. But I also hear Him inviting me to know Him more deeply, not by performing, but by remaining close. Perhaps you have quietly asked the same question. If so, you are not alone. Maybe God is not condemning us for wondering. Maybe He is gently saying, Come closer. There is still more of Me for you to discover.

Pearl's Prayer:

Lord, sometimes I wonder whether I truly know You. I do not always have the right words, and I do not understand everything I read. But I want to come closer. Help me remain open to Your Spirit and recognize the quiet ways You are working within me. I am the vessel. You are the Grace. Amen.

I am The Vessel, God Is The Grace